Friday, January 4, 2008

dream interpretations, anyone? bueller... bueller?

i had this horrendous dream the other night, and i thought i'd share:

i'm in a car with a group of friends, all of whom happen to be lesbians. a straight white male cop pulls us over, and proceeds to make some homophobic and sexist remarks. (i can't recall what exactly he said.) so i'm apparently feeling brave, because i lean forward from the back seat and snarkily ask "could you repeat that? 'cause all i heard was lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit." guffaws and smirks abound... until he asks me to step out of the car. i climb out of the back seat. the cop grabs me, puts me in handcuffs and forces me to my knees in the snow. at this point, i'm somewhat out of view of my friends. the officer begins to fondle me and take off my clothes, telling me i shouldn't be hanging out with these dykes. i respond that i'm 'one of these dykes,' and he says he's gonna fuck the gay out of me. (side note: i've heard this phrase so many times, in real life, and it never ceases to scare the shit out of me.) he removes his clothes and begins to rape me. i scream, and in a strange dream perspective shift, i see all of the girls trying to get out of the car. somehow, another cop is there, holding them back at gunpoint. then i'm back in my own body, yet still watching myself. i'm crying, staring straight ahead and trying to think of what to do. the only thought that comes to me is to vomit, so i do, all over the man and myself. i hope it will make him stop, but it doesn't. the idea that now this man will have a roman shower fetish enters my head. i know that the officer is a serial rapist and his thirst for violence will only increase. it ends. i'm suddenly alone on my knees in the snow, covered in vomit. my friends run up to me, and i'm screaming and crying and won't let them touch me. i'm completely embarrassed, and begin throwing snow all over myself, to wash off the vomit, cum and blood that has been seeping from my nose and mouth. (at some point the officer had hit me in the face, i think after i threw up.) i become even more embarrassed as i'm rubbing the snow over me, because i realize i look completely insane, and i know they don't understand that the snow will make me clean, and that's why i'm covering myself with it. eventually, one of the girls picks me up and carries me to the car, totally vulnerable and exposed.

any takers on what this means? it was such a graphic and disturbing dream. i should also mention that the friends in the dream are all new. i met a whole crew through someone new that i'm dating. i think that's from where the apprehension and embarrassment stems. has anyone else had rape dreams?


Cara said...

I have, unfortunately, had many rape dreams. Not one lately, thankfully. But I think that most of those I have had happened when I was feeling like I had the least control over my life. Or sometimes it's triggered by seeing my abusive ex-boyfriend around town.

assembling words to armory, she waits... said...

i'm so sorry cara. and i've definitely had rape dreams due to flashbacks of past events. but this one seemed to come out of nowhere. i don't think i'm feeling particularly out of control right now... i'll have to think on it.

Anonymous said...

I have never had a rape dream that I can remember. Im sure it wasnt worth remembering if I did, however, because...well, men just aren't worth my time to put any real thought into it. I do, however, think that rape dreams originate from our inner fear of the male gender and the physical power they have over us. They are able to force us to do things that we are uncomfortable with and with their lesbian fantasies and huge ego's think they can "fuck the gay out of us." I sort of envy the power a man has but that might be why I dont have rape dreams...mine are more rough sex but never rape. I think rape dreams are good for some though, it keeps you on your toes.