Monday, February 11, 2008

allow me to retort... and defend myself a bit

personal vs private.

lighthearted vs serious.

political vs social.

why is there so much guilt and pressure with combining these elements on blogs? i've stressed over and over about how much to conceal and reveal about myself when purporting to promote a blog that deals with gender and sexuality issues, rights, freedoms, and injustices. i feel guilty when i express feelings and musings on my personal life here. similarly, i feel sterile and cold when i simply link to articles and world issues. i mean, writing about passions should be relatable, non?

so then why do we feel badly about combining the two? isn't that how are lives work anyway? can you have one without the other? (successfully and honestly, of course.) i think not.

i've gotten feedback from RL friends (whatever that means, anyway, lol) that make statements regarding the hinges i've swayed to my past and present conditions and situations. conversations always progress to effect of:
'wow, i never knew you had __________ or that you've dealt with __________. why didn't you tell me before? are you okay? i'm really sorry, etc. etc. ...'

to which i reply (and please, count this as an official response in the here and now) :

how would you know that? i never told you, and honestly, i probably would never tell you, as it's my life, and not necessarily your business. it's not that i'm attempting to hide anything, it's just that, on a day to day basis it's not quite appropriate, or the situation rarely arises to talk about such personal things. i mean, how often do you walk up to acquaintances and begin spilling your guts about family members passing away, how privileged you were (or weren't) growing up, or times you've spent in the hospital? if i've given you a link to my blog, i'm comfortable enough to share these things with you there. that doesn't necessarily mean i want to have some huge heart-to-heart about it. that's what the blog entry is, and you should treat it as such. if you want to begin discourse, there's a comment section at the end of every entry. use it, please. don't wait until we're hanging out and make a comfortable situation awkward. i love you. i promise. if stories result organically, they will, and that's fine. bringing up bs in person is just that: bs.

so now that i've ranted a bit regarding RL vs OL communication, let me take this entry back full circle:

i'm happy with the amalgamation this little insignificant blog has become. life is a mixture of the personal and political, and i refuse to apologize for toeing that line, and i'm no longer going to feel guilty for double dutching over it. if i want to spend three weeks discussing the type of heels i wanna wear, then sobeit. and by a turn of the screw, if i prefer to simply post links and discuss nothing but NPR discourse for the same amount of time, then i'm gonna do it. mix and match, messied all together in a boulliabaisse of blog. because that's how my life tends to be. i won't have it any other way. amen.


Daisy said...

And when you do get very personal in your writing, somebody, somewhere, will throw it back in your face... which just makes you want to regroup and become more "impersonal" in your writing. I've had that happen to me recently, and this has been my reaction DESPITE ALL MY BEST EFFORTS! It's unconscious, like those beetles that roll into a little ball when startled.

If you ever figure out how to balance the personal and political, please notify me!

assembling words to armory, she waits... said...

oh girl. i feel you. it's so tough to rally and continue to write when people are just lurking, waiting to tear apart every word, phrase or tone that you may or may not intend to purport. i think we just have to remember (although it's far from easy) that for every troll or potentially offended individual, you have at least ten others that are in your corner! and you definitely have a fan club, daisy :) i've def got your back, knuckles up, ready to fight! keep writing, lady! your voice is important.