so spitzer's resigning... thank gods!

... but does that remedy the situation? i mean, the man's been dubbed the new eliot ness, for chrissake, and he's rumored to have charged over $80,000 in prostitution charges! i'm so sick of the hypocrisy!!! and what's the allure of paying $4,300 a session for sex? i just don't understand it. not to mention what kind of sleaze gets into an argument with a prostitute about her insistence upon clean sex? now i'm not trying to pass judgement on the type of sex that people choose (or choose not) to have, but unprotected sex, especially when you're very obviously committing adultery and have multiple partners, is just idiotic and dangerous. charge that jerk already and get him outta the headlines. i'm already sick of reading/hearing/etc. about it.

dream interpretations, anyone? bueller... bueller?

i had this horrendous dream the other night, and i thought i'd share:




i'm in a car with a group of friends, all of whom happen to be lesbians. a straight white male cop pulls us over, and proceeds to make some homophobic and sexist remarks. (i can't recall what exactly he said.) so i'm apparently feeling brave, because i lean forward from the back seat and snarkily ask "could you repeat that? 'cause all i heard was lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit." guffaws and smirks abound... until he asks me to step out of the car. i climb out of the back seat. the cop grabs me, puts me in handcuffs and forces me to my knees in the snow. at this point, i'm somewhat out of view of my friends. the officer begins to fondle me and take off my clothes, telling me i shouldn't be hanging out with these dykes. i respond that i'm 'one of these dykes,' and he says he's gonna fuck the gay out of me. (side note: i've heard this phrase so many times, in real life, and it never ceases to scare the shit out of me.) he removes his clothes and begins to rape me. i scream, and in a strange dream perspective shift, i see all of the girls trying to get out of the car. somehow, another cop is there, holding them back at gunpoint. then i'm back in my own body, yet still watching myself. i'm crying, staring straight ahead and trying to think of what to do. the only thought that comes to me is to vomit, so i do, all over the man and myself. i hope it will make him stop, but it doesn't. the idea that now this man will have a roman shower fetish enters my head. i know that the officer is a serial rapist and his thirst for violence will only increase. it ends. i'm suddenly alone on my knees in the snow, covered in vomit. my friends run up to me, and i'm screaming and crying and won't let them touch me. i'm completely embarrassed, and begin throwing snow all over myself, to wash off the vomit, cum and blood that has been seeping from my nose and mouth. (at some point the officer had hit me in the face, i think after i threw up.) i become even more embarrassed as i'm rubbing the snow over me, because i realize i look completely insane, and i know they don't understand that the snow will make me clean, and that's why i'm covering myself with it. eventually, one of the girls picks me up and carries me to the car, totally vulnerable and exposed.





any takers on what this means? it was such a graphic and disturbing dream. i should also mention that the friends in the dream are all new. i met a whole crew through someone new that i'm dating. i think that's from where the apprehension and embarrassment stems. has anyone else had rape dreams?

bride snatching: how lovely it's becoming more common

following a disturbing title (Bride-Snatching Involved in Half of All Marriages in Kyrgyzstan) on liveleak, i came across this video:




note the shaming guilt placed on the kidnapped wives and the ambivalent, entitled attitudes of the men interviewed for this video.




i can't believe this practice, called ala kachuu, goes on so regularly(or even at all.) also disturbing is the fact that the authorities officially state that wife-snatching is illegal, but that no one ever prosecutes. and of course the abducted women are considered unclean, impure, or tainted by muslim standards, and will be shunned by their families and society if fleeing their captors, especially once the marriage is consummated, aka rape, occurs. how's that for a horribly textbook description of double victimization? thank gods there are people like the woman in the video fighting for the victims' rights.




it's inconceivable that they have to teach students that stealing your bride is wrong, but i'm glad they're at least acknowledging that there's a problem with viewing women as chattel.




this practice of wife snatching is becoming more popular since the fall of the USSR, as the liberation of the area has caused many groups to harken back to ancient customs and traditions.




hiding behind cultural relativism in this case is a load of bs to me. kidnapping is a crime, no matter to which gods you do or do not pray. your religion does not entitle you to rape, demean, and abuse others.

why the eff is this so common?!?

a grey, ice-filled day greeted my feet this morning as i walked out the door on about 3 hours of drunken sleep. my hair's in a greasy side ponytail, and i dressed in the dark: dickies, pink chucks, a tattoo-printed tee and slim blue cardigan. makeup free and glasses-adorned, i am looking almost as great as i feel, lol. pathetic.





so i'm hunched over my computer, blearily staring at the screen, unable to focus on anything work-related. i start randomly surfing the net, something i haven't done much of lately, and i come across this article from texas. as if i couldn't feel any worse.





gods, this 21 year-old guy was a substitute teacher for THREE WEEKS, and was already busted for having sex with a 14 year-old girl in a parking lot! he went and pulled her out of class and lured her into his car to assault her! when the girl broke down in class the next week, they arrested him. he actually had the nerve to claim that the sex was consensual! the school system said he passed their background check. it really makes me wonder what kind of checks they do. i've never been a substitute teacher, so i haven't a clue. has anyone ever seen the criteria required? i'm guessing no felonies? anyone?





what really got to me, and maybe it's just exhaustion, but not really, is that this story is ridiculously common. so common, in fact, it probably hasn't surprised a single one of the people that read or heard of it. and that's disgusting. people put in charge of our children should not be utilizing their positions of authority in such an immoral way. and the poor girl, in typical guilt-ridden victim style, had to be convinced that it wasn't her fault!




the power differential is inherent in any student-teacher relationship. students listen to their teachers, look up to them, fear and respect them. yet these people justify sexual relations with them? it sickens me. i'm all for free love between two consenting adults. have fun, do it however and whenever you want. any fetish that can be imagined has likely been tried more than twice. but dammit, CHILDREN ARE OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!! that shouldn't be something that even needs to be mentioned, and yet, time and again, they're victimized, and then shamed into believing it's their fault. and teachers, the people that society trusts to mold and shape young minds, should be particularly cognizant of that.




okay, so now i need to go calm down. i can't wait to get out of work and jump into some comfy pajamas and decompress. maybe i'll finish knitting a scarf, and try to pretend for an evening that the world isn't all kinds of fucked.

national trans* day of remembrance

today is the day.

all this past weekend, i've been holding and comforting him. he's so young, and still, everyone looks to him for guidance. he doesn't want it, but obligation weighs too heavily. he hoists the worries, agitation and fears of the entire group onto his tiny shoulders, facilitating discussions he doesn't want to have, offering advice to those years further along in their journeys. i see the strength and wisdom within his large, dark eyes and understand why they turn to him. the man is barely two decades old, and yet so firm in who he is! he's a bridge for those younger and older, face of a child and voice of an adult ~ universally relatable. for all his efforts he's still lost, confined in a form that's not his own.





he comes to me worn and exhausted, silent except to say that he's tired. there's a world of meaning behind those few words. he gently places his cheek on my lap. i stroke his head and down his back, feel the binding that constricts his skin, and cannot wait 'til he is able to live in a skin that is truly his. it's true that the ones most deserving of justice often receive the least. so i do my best to help, and hope that he knows i'm here. i can't pretend to understand what he's going through, but there's a part of me that wants him to just let me share a bit of that burden. when he smiles, it melts me.




for all those mourning, today and everyday, please know that you're not alone. someone wants to care for you, people will listen. or, if you're too defeated to speak, can offer a hand, a shoulder, or maybe a good joke or two.




youth that need someone to just listen for a while, and help, can call:


Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) Youth Support Line
800-850-8078


if you witness or experience a trans* hate crime :
Gay & Transgender Hate Crime Hotline
1-800-616-HATE



both of these numbers are toll-free in the us. and for all those we have lost, RIP. transgendered day of remembrance is a day we celebrate the lives of our friends, lovers, peers, both known and unknown to us. but it of course shouldn't be simply confined to one day. every day we keep those souls in our thoughts and hearts. a single day is hardly enough to hold all those victim to hate and bigotry. but it's a start.

how you can help celebrate ian benson's life

a big thank you to all who have linked to my site and given kind words of support re: the unfortunate passing of ian benson. friday night, a candlelight vigil was held in his honor at black river public school in holland, mi, where ian had attended the prior year. (he was home schooled beginning this year.) i lit my candle from home and quietly mourned the loss on my own. amazingly, the holland sentinel published a short piece on the event.

if you'd like to help celebrate ian's memory, and the memory of so many other trans* people whose lives ended much too prematurely, you can join in the amethyst ribbon campaign. donations/purchases can be made here.

**i officially changed ian's name from guarr to benson, per comments at questioning transphobia. ian was to have his name changed officially in the courts on the wednesday following his passing. RIP**

RIP Ian Guarr

sadly, i received this email this morning from triangle foundation, michigan's leading LGBTQ activist organization, and i thought i'd share:



Dear [name removed],

It is with a heavy heart that I share the tragic loss of one of our community's beautiful children. Ian Guarr, a 16-year old transgender young man from West Michigan, took his own life on Monday. The Guarr family have been staunch allies and good friends of Triangle Foundation from the beginning of their journey. Ian's mother Amy is a founder of TransYouth Family Advocates (http://imatyfa.org), a national organization addressing the issues facing transgender youth and a national partner of Triangle Foundation's Camping.OUT program.

Ian was one of my daughter Chloe's dearest friends. Ian was sensitive, thoughtful, brilliant, hilarious, and painfully shy. Our world is less bright without Ian's presence. Even with an amazingly supportive and loving family such as Ian had, the youth of our community face an incredibly difficult path. In the United States, every hour an LGBT youth commits suicide. The statistics for transgender youth are even more harrowing -- the attempted suicide rate is higher than 50%!

Ian's family did everything right. They loved, cared, and advocated for who Ian knew he really was –not just for who society wanted him to be. This community owes the Guarr family a debt of gratitude for all that they have done for Ian as well as for all transgender youth.

Triangle Foundation joins our friends at TransYouth Family Advocates and TransActive Education & Advocacy in once again renewing our commitment to working with and on behalf of transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning youth who, like Ian, are struggling with a society that is often unwilling to accept them for the unique and beautiful people they are. Our work will continue until no young person feels that suicide is their only option.

Please join Triangle Foundation in sending our loving thoughts to Ian's family, loved ones, and the community which joins them in mourning his loss.

Sincerely,

Colette Beighley and the Triangle Foundation family

PS. Please reply to this email if you would like Triangle Foundation to pass a message along to Ian's family.

If you are, or you know, a young person thinking of suicide, please know that you are not alone and help is available. Contact The Trevor Project immediately at 1-888-488-7386 or visit www.thetrevorproject.org for help and more information.

good luck alex ~ and dubai can kiss my homo ass!

so i posted a lighthearted entry earlier today, thinking i wanted to stay away from anything too heavy. but then i read this, and all that changed.


dubai is famous for its decadence and overindulgence in all things worldly. the shopping there is said to be some of the best in the world, and money changes hands there in the billions. it's beautiful, extremely modern, and sleek. oh, and then apparently they outlaw homosexuality and deny raped teen males justice.


alex's attack is horrid. absolutely horrifying. first, he's taken out to the desert, threatened and raped by three different men and dumped in front of a hotel. add to being gang-raped by three different guys the fear and shame brought upon his family. mix in a doctor that won't do blood tests or a proper examination, accuses him of being gay, and then officially states that there was no evidence of forced assault.

"Then he cleared the room and told Alex: 'I know you’re a homosexual. You can admit it to me. I can tell.'"

top it all off with the fact authorities withheld for months information that one of the men is HIV positive!! thank gods his parents are strong enough and supportive enough to be fighting for prosecution. to avoid ARREST, (arrest for being raped!!!!) alex had to flee the country. i'm surprised he stayed as long as he did (he left a month into his 10th grade year at school; he'd been attacked on bastille day, july 14th) but he stayed in order to pursue prosecution. now he's been told that he could be sentenced to a year in jail. even typing that almost made me vomit.


and his alleged attackers? all three claim innocence, despite the fact that their sperm was found inside of alex. also interesting:

"United Arab Emirates law does not recognize rape of males, only a crime called 'forced homosexuality.'"

note how they are sure to mention homosexuality within the framework of wrongdoing, but not rape. because the real crime here is being gay, not sexually assaulting another human being.


UAE's government is indeed fucked up. this is the worst kind of double (at least) victimization. and unless they seriously change their judicial system, i'm sure things like this will continue. being gay is not a crime. rape victims are just that; victims. i don't think it's that difficult to understand. best of luck, alex ~ though i don't quite get that his attorney says he's looking for the death penalty for his attackers? *shakes head*

...and in the about effing time category...

Mychal Bell was finally released on bail today. finally. it's unfortunate that it took a media frenzy to make the racist f-wads actually get shamed into doing something right. so a big woo hoo is not perfect, but will suffice maintentant. he's out on $45,000 bail.

now if we can only drum up the same sort of media attention for the new jersey 4
read up. get involved. please.

i hope someone catches these motorbike assholes

my condolences to the families, friends, lovers, affected by this tragedy.

i am constantly humbled by the idea that i've had the benefit of an education. and my family had hardly to worry that walking out the door to go to school (school? i mean, i have a vagina, how DARE i?!?) was an invite to terrorist threats and murder. and although americans live in the wake of the columbine and vtech shootings, we're still a world (quite literally, in this case) away from being warned by terrorist organizations to not leave our homes to learn.

i wish i could get the bad taste from my mouth.