horseshit.

so i've been incredibly busy lately, living, working, being social and trying my best to bask in the glow of my beautiful lady. i've had some really shitty luck, with my bank account being hacked (to the tune of more than $1000 in fraudulent charges) to losing my cell phone, which, if you know me, is basically my lifeblood. everything i am is unfortunately tied to that stupid piece of electronic equipment.

in other words, blogging hasn't been a priority. for that, i apologize.

so i had decided to insert a little photo journal of my past few weeks for y'all to peruse and mock when i looked over to the side of my page where i have a blogrush account. (if you're interested, PLEASE link from my page and get the word out!) the top blog entry listed therein was titled 'pick up women online.' and if you're really sickly fascinated, here's the link.


and what does this 'genius' nico have to say about women? well, all you have to do is watch the first thirty seconds of the video to realize that he's an absolute total douchebag, from his knit skullcap that's adorably emblazoned with the word 'hung' to his tacky orange tie-dyed tee to his long greasy hair and the fact that he's BROADCASTING FROM THE FRONT SEAT OF HIS CAR AS HE RUNS HIS ERRANDS. maybe i'm just a bitch, but there was definitely a sadistic part of me that was secretly hoping he'd crash as we travel with him to pick up his mail, run to the bank, etc. his advice to men is full of all sorts of lovely gems, including the diamond that women are like racehorses, among many other pearls of wisdom.

fyi: 80% of all of his hookups were the first night... and the rest were all the second or third date. who wants to bet he never had a callback, lol? ugh. so who's with me on flooding this idiot's email with all sorts of hate mail? huzzah!

dream interpretations, anyone? bueller... bueller?

i had this horrendous dream the other night, and i thought i'd share:




i'm in a car with a group of friends, all of whom happen to be lesbians. a straight white male cop pulls us over, and proceeds to make some homophobic and sexist remarks. (i can't recall what exactly he said.) so i'm apparently feeling brave, because i lean forward from the back seat and snarkily ask "could you repeat that? 'cause all i heard was lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit." guffaws and smirks abound... until he asks me to step out of the car. i climb out of the back seat. the cop grabs me, puts me in handcuffs and forces me to my knees in the snow. at this point, i'm somewhat out of view of my friends. the officer begins to fondle me and take off my clothes, telling me i shouldn't be hanging out with these dykes. i respond that i'm 'one of these dykes,' and he says he's gonna fuck the gay out of me. (side note: i've heard this phrase so many times, in real life, and it never ceases to scare the shit out of me.) he removes his clothes and begins to rape me. i scream, and in a strange dream perspective shift, i see all of the girls trying to get out of the car. somehow, another cop is there, holding them back at gunpoint. then i'm back in my own body, yet still watching myself. i'm crying, staring straight ahead and trying to think of what to do. the only thought that comes to me is to vomit, so i do, all over the man and myself. i hope it will make him stop, but it doesn't. the idea that now this man will have a roman shower fetish enters my head. i know that the officer is a serial rapist and his thirst for violence will only increase. it ends. i'm suddenly alone on my knees in the snow, covered in vomit. my friends run up to me, and i'm screaming and crying and won't let them touch me. i'm completely embarrassed, and begin throwing snow all over myself, to wash off the vomit, cum and blood that has been seeping from my nose and mouth. (at some point the officer had hit me in the face, i think after i threw up.) i become even more embarrassed as i'm rubbing the snow over me, because i realize i look completely insane, and i know they don't understand that the snow will make me clean, and that's why i'm covering myself with it. eventually, one of the girls picks me up and carries me to the car, totally vulnerable and exposed.





any takers on what this means? it was such a graphic and disturbing dream. i should also mention that the friends in the dream are all new. i met a whole crew through someone new that i'm dating. i think that's from where the apprehension and embarrassment stems. has anyone else had rape dreams?

since when does being gay equal being easy?

hello all.

i have a problem. (apparently.)

whenever i go out to the bar, or meet a new couple, inevitably, for some reason, i get propositioned. and not just sleazy come-ons from drunken idiots. i'm talking REALLY sleazy come-ons from drunken (and sometimes sober) idiots.

no, really. i can't remember the last time i went out to the bar and WASN'T asked to have sex with a couple.

No, no, NO i will NOT sleep with you and your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, lover, best friend. no, i won't bang your girlfriend while you watch, and no you can't videotape the session to watch later. just because YOU'RE attracted to me does not mean that I'M easy. i've gotten this even from people i know well.

i'm sorry, but fulfilling your fantasy is not my prerogative. if i'm into you, you'll know it. if i wanted to sleep with more than one person at a time, it's certainly not gonna be with a couple. not that i'm opposed to others doing what they want in a healthy, mutually satisfying way, it's just not my thing. to my taste, it just invites drama, especially among friends. i don't sleep with men, and i don't sleep with straight women. period. and buying me shots to get me even more liquored up is not gonna help. i happen to feel that my sexual experiences are mine, and i'm not about to give that to someone else. it's my body, and my business. it doesn't get me hot.

in fact, this comes up so much that i can usually spot it well before it happens, but i really don't know how to go about combatting it. the other night, i'm at my usual watering hole, and of course, the inevitable situation occurs. i'm polite, but firm in my denial, trying my best not to roll my eyes, screaming on the inside. they walk away, and my friend turns to me and asks why this always happens to me. i wish i knew. i rant that i guess i'm just the token male-friendly lesbian. not that this excuses any of it away. i'm not about to feed into some chasing amy scenario. fuck that.

but then, someone on the other side of me says, it's not that i'm some male-friendly lesbian, it's that i'm hot. and that i should just get over it.

um, what?

just because someone thinks i'm hot, that suddenly makes it okay to pester me about having sex? i guess i'm asking to be hit on, because you're attracted to me? makes perfect sense. it's just another attempt for straight males to assert their dominance and enter what is a hands-off zone for them. apparently, i'm some sort of easy conquest or perceived open door to infiltrate, objectify and destroy lesbian structures. i'm sorry, that's not flattering to me.

fuckers.

i guess the real reason i'm typing this entry today, besides the chance to rant a bit, is because i haven't met other lesbians that have this happen to them on a regular basis. do any of you women have to deal with this? how do you view it? i really am just so tired of it all.