so spitzer's resigning... thank gods!

... but does that remedy the situation? i mean, the man's been dubbed the new eliot ness, for chrissake, and he's rumored to have charged over $80,000 in prostitution charges! i'm so sick of the hypocrisy!!! and what's the allure of paying $4,300 a session for sex? i just don't understand it. not to mention what kind of sleaze gets into an argument with a prostitute about her insistence upon clean sex? now i'm not trying to pass judgement on the type of sex that people choose (or choose not) to have, but unprotected sex, especially when you're very obviously committing adultery and have multiple partners, is just idiotic and dangerous. charge that jerk already and get him outta the headlines. i'm already sick of reading/hearing/etc. about it.

horseshit.

so i've been incredibly busy lately, living, working, being social and trying my best to bask in the glow of my beautiful lady. i've had some really shitty luck, with my bank account being hacked (to the tune of more than $1000 in fraudulent charges) to losing my cell phone, which, if you know me, is basically my lifeblood. everything i am is unfortunately tied to that stupid piece of electronic equipment.

in other words, blogging hasn't been a priority. for that, i apologize.

so i had decided to insert a little photo journal of my past few weeks for y'all to peruse and mock when i looked over to the side of my page where i have a blogrush account. (if you're interested, PLEASE link from my page and get the word out!) the top blog entry listed therein was titled 'pick up women online.' and if you're really sickly fascinated, here's the link.


and what does this 'genius' nico have to say about women? well, all you have to do is watch the first thirty seconds of the video to realize that he's an absolute total douchebag, from his knit skullcap that's adorably emblazoned with the word 'hung' to his tacky orange tie-dyed tee to his long greasy hair and the fact that he's BROADCASTING FROM THE FRONT SEAT OF HIS CAR AS HE RUNS HIS ERRANDS. maybe i'm just a bitch, but there was definitely a sadistic part of me that was secretly hoping he'd crash as we travel with him to pick up his mail, run to the bank, etc. his advice to men is full of all sorts of lovely gems, including the diamond that women are like racehorses, among many other pearls of wisdom.

fyi: 80% of all of his hookups were the first night... and the rest were all the second or third date. who wants to bet he never had a callback, lol? ugh. so who's with me on flooding this idiot's email with all sorts of hate mail? huzzah!

i've so far shied away from it...

the horrendous trans* phobic media mishandling of a detroit native's murder a week and a half ago.


i've talked to friends about it, we've hashed and rehashed, all the tragedy, the bullshit, the ignorance, the loss. frankly, the idea of blogging it gave me a twinge of the shudders.




as coverage increases, so do the number of bigots and insensitive comments. and so it has to be discussed, and where better than the blogosphere?

refusing to release the victim's name is simply harmful to the community. is the family ashamed that their relative may be trans*? are they trying to honor hir by keeping the name out of the press? perhaps they're angered (and rightly so) that the police are continuing to refer to a murder victim as 'a man in women's clothing?' ugh ugh ugh. until we get more information, we'll never know...



the bottom line is, SOMEONE WAS SHOT IN THE HEAD IN A PARKING LOT. what sie was wearing is not the focus. bringing hir killer to justice should be the goal.



RIP

apology and a tentative promise...

i've been dealing with that interesting little quirk called life lately.


alas, i've severely neglected my blog.


it seems like every day i sign onto the internet and see my blogger homepage, i sigh and think 'later, later....'


well, now it's MUCH later, and as i straighten out as much of the fiasco that's my world maintenant, i figured this is as good as any other place to start.


so i'm going to make a serious effort to post more frequently in the upcoming days, even as my life spitfires me forward.


toward what? it's anyone's guess...

how desperate do you have to be...

to disrespect someone's body in this way?



real life is NOT 'weekend at bernie's,' people. this story broke my heart and turned my stomach at the same time. who wheels a dead man's body down the street to cash their social security check? the audacity!



of course, the deceased man was a senior citizen (albeit a young one at 66.) yet another example of blantant disregard for mature people in this country. they're only good for their monthly checks.



i need another cup of coffee, and maybe a shotgun. *grumble grumble*

guess i have to go back to school...

'cause my blog's reading level is:

Fast Payday Loans

an appropriate critique of the surge of pregnancy movies out there...

FINALLY, someone took the words out of my mouth!



Susie Bright at (appropriately enough, lol) Susie Bright's Journal did an amazing piece on the influx of 'unwanted yet at the last minute i just have to experience the miracle of life' movies here.



i've been super irritated for a while at the idea that all of these women would just 'see the light' and everything would miraculously work out in the end. not to mention the fathers just fall into place and have their own little epiphanies as well. abortion is never a truly viable option, because these heroines could NEVER GO THROUGH WITH IT. (gasp!) and i thought i was the only one who felt this way... go read it!

why the eff is this so common?!?

a grey, ice-filled day greeted my feet this morning as i walked out the door on about 3 hours of drunken sleep. my hair's in a greasy side ponytail, and i dressed in the dark: dickies, pink chucks, a tattoo-printed tee and slim blue cardigan. makeup free and glasses-adorned, i am looking almost as great as i feel, lol. pathetic.





so i'm hunched over my computer, blearily staring at the screen, unable to focus on anything work-related. i start randomly surfing the net, something i haven't done much of lately, and i come across this article from texas. as if i couldn't feel any worse.





gods, this 21 year-old guy was a substitute teacher for THREE WEEKS, and was already busted for having sex with a 14 year-old girl in a parking lot! he went and pulled her out of class and lured her into his car to assault her! when the girl broke down in class the next week, they arrested him. he actually had the nerve to claim that the sex was consensual! the school system said he passed their background check. it really makes me wonder what kind of checks they do. i've never been a substitute teacher, so i haven't a clue. has anyone ever seen the criteria required? i'm guessing no felonies? anyone?





what really got to me, and maybe it's just exhaustion, but not really, is that this story is ridiculously common. so common, in fact, it probably hasn't surprised a single one of the people that read or heard of it. and that's disgusting. people put in charge of our children should not be utilizing their positions of authority in such an immoral way. and the poor girl, in typical guilt-ridden victim style, had to be convinced that it wasn't her fault!




the power differential is inherent in any student-teacher relationship. students listen to their teachers, look up to them, fear and respect them. yet these people justify sexual relations with them? it sickens me. i'm all for free love between two consenting adults. have fun, do it however and whenever you want. any fetish that can be imagined has likely been tried more than twice. but dammit, CHILDREN ARE OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!! that shouldn't be something that even needs to be mentioned, and yet, time and again, they're victimized, and then shamed into believing it's their fault. and teachers, the people that society trusts to mold and shape young minds, should be particularly cognizant of that.




okay, so now i need to go calm down. i can't wait to get out of work and jump into some comfy pajamas and decompress. maybe i'll finish knitting a scarf, and try to pretend for an evening that the world isn't all kinds of fucked.

anxiety rears its ugly head again...

i don't know why i cycle this way, but it seems that every time i start to pay more attention to my blog, and keep up with everything i inevitably freak out and can't post for about a week or so. and i know i missed a lot last week.


i didn't get to participate in the protest against judge deni for her horrid 'theft of services' ruling and her reelection (which she freaking WON), four of the jena six went into court for pre-trial, complete with nationwide protests, my company got bought by some large corporate giant which means i could lose my job, ENDA's transphobic version passed in the house, my roommate tried to fight some guy for groping me in the bar, and i went on a pretty cool date.



i also have had multiple panic attacks lately due to my doctor changing my meds yet again, and it's taken me about 4 days just to type this tiny bit of info. and now i'm stopping, because i can't handle typing any more. i'm so mad at myself, and i'm sorry for being so negative about life. keeping up with a blog shouldn't feel like work, but for some reason lately it does. hopefully my meds will even out and this will become a passion again.

good luck alex ~ and dubai can kiss my homo ass!

so i posted a lighthearted entry earlier today, thinking i wanted to stay away from anything too heavy. but then i read this, and all that changed.


dubai is famous for its decadence and overindulgence in all things worldly. the shopping there is said to be some of the best in the world, and money changes hands there in the billions. it's beautiful, extremely modern, and sleek. oh, and then apparently they outlaw homosexuality and deny raped teen males justice.


alex's attack is horrid. absolutely horrifying. first, he's taken out to the desert, threatened and raped by three different men and dumped in front of a hotel. add to being gang-raped by three different guys the fear and shame brought upon his family. mix in a doctor that won't do blood tests or a proper examination, accuses him of being gay, and then officially states that there was no evidence of forced assault.

"Then he cleared the room and told Alex: 'I know you’re a homosexual. You can admit it to me. I can tell.'"

top it all off with the fact authorities withheld for months information that one of the men is HIV positive!! thank gods his parents are strong enough and supportive enough to be fighting for prosecution. to avoid ARREST, (arrest for being raped!!!!) alex had to flee the country. i'm surprised he stayed as long as he did (he left a month into his 10th grade year at school; he'd been attacked on bastille day, july 14th) but he stayed in order to pursue prosecution. now he's been told that he could be sentenced to a year in jail. even typing that almost made me vomit.


and his alleged attackers? all three claim innocence, despite the fact that their sperm was found inside of alex. also interesting:

"United Arab Emirates law does not recognize rape of males, only a crime called 'forced homosexuality.'"

note how they are sure to mention homosexuality within the framework of wrongdoing, but not rape. because the real crime here is being gay, not sexually assaulting another human being.


UAE's government is indeed fucked up. this is the worst kind of double (at least) victimization. and unless they seriously change their judicial system, i'm sure things like this will continue. being gay is not a crime. rape victims are just that; victims. i don't think it's that difficult to understand. best of luck, alex ~ though i don't quite get that his attorney says he's looking for the death penalty for his attackers? *shakes head*

file this under wtf

okay. so any relief, regardless of how small, that may have been expressed at the final release of mychal bell from jail is now stricken. AP published this article after bell was brought in to court for what should've been a routine hearing on an unrelated case. this case shouldn't've had anything to do with the jena 6 proceedings, and it is true that it was never mentioned, but judge jp mauffrey was obviously sending a very clear, and very hate-mongering message when doling out an unwarranted 18 months incarceration for a probation violation. mauffrey is awe-inspiring in his steadfast pursuit of punishment to young black men that dare to challenge his skewed view of justice. i realize he's gotta be pissed that he was called out by the nation for his hatred, and he's apparently obsessed with sticking to his guns. keep punishing these boys, judge, and hopefully, you'll keep getting shot down. as for bell, let's hope this trumped-up scapegoat bullshit can FINALLY come to an end... sigh.

panic, mania, depression, etc.

depression and anxiety have had me locked away from here for the past few weeks. blogging should not induce panic attacks, but then again, panic attacks aren't about reality and rational fears. most of the time, i'm basically regurgitating news clips anyway, nothing too personal or putting my reputation at stake, and yet...

i've tried to post about 50 times since my last quick blurb, only to either run from my keyboard, avoiding my computer altogether, or begin entries that would freeze me mid-sentence and cause a heart-pounding, head-lightening freakout. ideas would be bursting out of me and then suddenly crash. i'm sure if i looked at my drafts right now, i'd cry.
anyone out there had panic attacks or manic seizes? anxiety attacks tend to begin without warning (known 'triggers' excluded.)

simultaneously trapped within and disconnected from your corporal body, it's surreal and extremely frightening to have to fight for breaths and control of your limbs. hyperventilating is common, but so is that heavy 'i'm gonna pass out or fall asleep right here' feeling. the need to hold on to something arises. you're a helium balloon tentatively tied to a toddler's wrist. beating the air, pulling away, torn back down. at the mercy of the environment, you sway and bounce. the ebb and flow isn't the calm, rhythmic motion of the sea, but an errant toss and jerk, sans direction or purpose. you can't forget to breathe, but it becomes harder to remember as your head grows heavier and the ground seems to tilt. why is one side of your body suddenly a paperweight, while the other half is lighter than air? being vertical seems an impossible feat! how do people do it? as these thoughts burn the edges of your brain, other thoughts are battling for the forefront of your mind, racing at dragstrip speed through your head. everything that could go wrong is currently occurring and you have no way to stop anything. you get over the strangely euphoric, terrible and seductive sensations and are abruptly torn back to reality... a reality in which you're shaking, sweating, tight-chested and nauseated. the tympani of your heart's pound is orchestral in your ears, and that memory of breath suddenly becomes all you want, but cannot have. you'd do anything just to get some air into your lungs, but it suddenly can't go. you try to focus, but all you can manage are shallow gasps for air ~ the rest of you is just too preoccupied with the plethora of problems it's having. you've shattered, and sweeping up the remains is a seemingly endless and daunting task. you don't seem to have a center. there's nothing there to hold you in; you're a million autonomous units that have no operator. you're screaming inside to grab that broom, to reach out, to rally the troops and focus as a whole again. you reach and reach and after an eternity of stretching: you manage. a mantra begins to repeat in your mind: you're gonna be okay, just breathe, just breathe, breathe, breathe.... tentatively, your body responds. your head straightens slowly where it had been tilting more and more to the side. (it no longer seems to weigh SO much.) you're sweating less, your eyes switch into focus. you're still shaking, but you can actually see your hands enough to realize what they've been doing. control of your legs and the sensation of them touching the ground reinstates. blinking a couple of times, you take that one slow deep breath that actually seems to somewhat fill your body. and it's over.

manic moments are different. ideas flow like lava, the world is suddenly within your grasp, ridiculously easy to wield and weld to your command. how do people not get it? you want to share your secret with everyone everywhere ~ they all must know! you rush to tell the universe, or maybe just the person next to you. you're warm, your face is flush, eyes bright and wide with intensity. you begin to speak, but speech is too slow for the fire in your brain. or perhaps you're typing. fingers can't work fast enough for all that's pouring forth. you skip entire words, sentences, paragraphs and ideas, convinced that you're waxing poetic and doing the world a great service. people tell you to slow down as you excitedly meander through ideas on every conceivable subject, topic or issue. vaguely, you notice their raised eyebrow and condescending smile. you stumble on the outpour and are jerked back down from your excitement. why can't people understand you? why doesn't what you just typed make sense? only moments ago you held the skeleton key to life's secrets and it was all too simple! paranoia strikes. you delete sentences, paragraphs, eventually the whole of what you've created out of the knowledge that it's worthless. and not only that, but YOU'RE worthless! how could you possibly have believed you know anything at all? that your creative outpour is anything but garbage? you have no ability or capacity to finish anything, achieve anything. you're a loser. why try. turn off the computer and shut the fuck up. retreat.

this has been my MO for the past couple of weeks. sorry to toss it all out like some tacky salad, but i think it's made me feel a little better. erin, you yelled at me to just 'do it,' and so i did. hurray to a doctor's visit next week.

female underwear is vulgar... everyone should go commando in china!

This little news bite is simply DARLING. Hot on the heels of censoring idol-style reality shows for apparently giving youth "negative role models" (lmao!), chinese government has now decided to ban what they deem 'vulgar' ads. Their idea of vulgar includes breast enhancement and female underwear commercials. Because everyone knows those hanes her way ads are just for filthy, filthy whores. (just typing that makes me wanna watch one right now! i just might likes me some cotton brief wearing whores, heh heh heh) Interesting how there's no mention of men's underwear ads. Although their is a vague statement about the ban of 'sex-related health supplements' which to me screams 'viagra, ' but they don't specify gender there, of course.

Sarft [State Administration of Radio, Film and Television] said that adverts featuring suggestive language or scantily-clad women were "detrimental to society", Xinhua news agency reported.

if scantily clad women are a detriment, i don't wanna be an aid.
Guess those fruit of the loom guys can still get me hot, but forget those slutty trashy idol singers... they're BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDD.

so i accidentally hit the 'next blog' link...

i was all ready to enter a blog about accountability and abuse. after accidentally hitting the 'next blog' button as my phone rang (lol), i was totally accosted with this