dream interpretations, anyone? bueller... bueller?

i had this horrendous dream the other night, and i thought i'd share:




i'm in a car with a group of friends, all of whom happen to be lesbians. a straight white male cop pulls us over, and proceeds to make some homophobic and sexist remarks. (i can't recall what exactly he said.) so i'm apparently feeling brave, because i lean forward from the back seat and snarkily ask "could you repeat that? 'cause all i heard was lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit." guffaws and smirks abound... until he asks me to step out of the car. i climb out of the back seat. the cop grabs me, puts me in handcuffs and forces me to my knees in the snow. at this point, i'm somewhat out of view of my friends. the officer begins to fondle me and take off my clothes, telling me i shouldn't be hanging out with these dykes. i respond that i'm 'one of these dykes,' and he says he's gonna fuck the gay out of me. (side note: i've heard this phrase so many times, in real life, and it never ceases to scare the shit out of me.) he removes his clothes and begins to rape me. i scream, and in a strange dream perspective shift, i see all of the girls trying to get out of the car. somehow, another cop is there, holding them back at gunpoint. then i'm back in my own body, yet still watching myself. i'm crying, staring straight ahead and trying to think of what to do. the only thought that comes to me is to vomit, so i do, all over the man and myself. i hope it will make him stop, but it doesn't. the idea that now this man will have a roman shower fetish enters my head. i know that the officer is a serial rapist and his thirst for violence will only increase. it ends. i'm suddenly alone on my knees in the snow, covered in vomit. my friends run up to me, and i'm screaming and crying and won't let them touch me. i'm completely embarrassed, and begin throwing snow all over myself, to wash off the vomit, cum and blood that has been seeping from my nose and mouth. (at some point the officer had hit me in the face, i think after i threw up.) i become even more embarrassed as i'm rubbing the snow over me, because i realize i look completely insane, and i know they don't understand that the snow will make me clean, and that's why i'm covering myself with it. eventually, one of the girls picks me up and carries me to the car, totally vulnerable and exposed.





any takers on what this means? it was such a graphic and disturbing dream. i should also mention that the friends in the dream are all new. i met a whole crew through someone new that i'm dating. i think that's from where the apprehension and embarrassment stems. has anyone else had rape dreams?

why the eff is this so common?!?

a grey, ice-filled day greeted my feet this morning as i walked out the door on about 3 hours of drunken sleep. my hair's in a greasy side ponytail, and i dressed in the dark: dickies, pink chucks, a tattoo-printed tee and slim blue cardigan. makeup free and glasses-adorned, i am looking almost as great as i feel, lol. pathetic.





so i'm hunched over my computer, blearily staring at the screen, unable to focus on anything work-related. i start randomly surfing the net, something i haven't done much of lately, and i come across this article from texas. as if i couldn't feel any worse.





gods, this 21 year-old guy was a substitute teacher for THREE WEEKS, and was already busted for having sex with a 14 year-old girl in a parking lot! he went and pulled her out of class and lured her into his car to assault her! when the girl broke down in class the next week, they arrested him. he actually had the nerve to claim that the sex was consensual! the school system said he passed their background check. it really makes me wonder what kind of checks they do. i've never been a substitute teacher, so i haven't a clue. has anyone ever seen the criteria required? i'm guessing no felonies? anyone?





what really got to me, and maybe it's just exhaustion, but not really, is that this story is ridiculously common. so common, in fact, it probably hasn't surprised a single one of the people that read or heard of it. and that's disgusting. people put in charge of our children should not be utilizing their positions of authority in such an immoral way. and the poor girl, in typical guilt-ridden victim style, had to be convinced that it wasn't her fault!




the power differential is inherent in any student-teacher relationship. students listen to their teachers, look up to them, fear and respect them. yet these people justify sexual relations with them? it sickens me. i'm all for free love between two consenting adults. have fun, do it however and whenever you want. any fetish that can be imagined has likely been tried more than twice. but dammit, CHILDREN ARE OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!! that shouldn't be something that even needs to be mentioned, and yet, time and again, they're victimized, and then shamed into believing it's their fault. and teachers, the people that society trusts to mold and shape young minds, should be particularly cognizant of that.




okay, so now i need to go calm down. i can't wait to get out of work and jump into some comfy pajamas and decompress. maybe i'll finish knitting a scarf, and try to pretend for an evening that the world isn't all kinds of fucked.

good luck alex ~ and dubai can kiss my homo ass!

so i posted a lighthearted entry earlier today, thinking i wanted to stay away from anything too heavy. but then i read this, and all that changed.


dubai is famous for its decadence and overindulgence in all things worldly. the shopping there is said to be some of the best in the world, and money changes hands there in the billions. it's beautiful, extremely modern, and sleek. oh, and then apparently they outlaw homosexuality and deny raped teen males justice.


alex's attack is horrid. absolutely horrifying. first, he's taken out to the desert, threatened and raped by three different men and dumped in front of a hotel. add to being gang-raped by three different guys the fear and shame brought upon his family. mix in a doctor that won't do blood tests or a proper examination, accuses him of being gay, and then officially states that there was no evidence of forced assault.

"Then he cleared the room and told Alex: 'I know you’re a homosexual. You can admit it to me. I can tell.'"

top it all off with the fact authorities withheld for months information that one of the men is HIV positive!! thank gods his parents are strong enough and supportive enough to be fighting for prosecution. to avoid ARREST, (arrest for being raped!!!!) alex had to flee the country. i'm surprised he stayed as long as he did (he left a month into his 10th grade year at school; he'd been attacked on bastille day, july 14th) but he stayed in order to pursue prosecution. now he's been told that he could be sentenced to a year in jail. even typing that almost made me vomit.


and his alleged attackers? all three claim innocence, despite the fact that their sperm was found inside of alex. also interesting:

"United Arab Emirates law does not recognize rape of males, only a crime called 'forced homosexuality.'"

note how they are sure to mention homosexuality within the framework of wrongdoing, but not rape. because the real crime here is being gay, not sexually assaulting another human being.


UAE's government is indeed fucked up. this is the worst kind of double (at least) victimization. and unless they seriously change their judicial system, i'm sure things like this will continue. being gay is not a crime. rape victims are just that; victims. i don't think it's that difficult to understand. best of luck, alex ~ though i don't quite get that his attorney says he's looking for the death penalty for his attackers? *shakes head*

comfort for 'comfort women?'

i came across this article today in the bbc news. of course our government, as bullies of the world, is yet again pushing others to claim responsibility for wrongdoing. but at least in this case, it's justified.

the idea of 'comfort women' bends my stomach in ways it just should not warp. these poor women, and japan's denial to compensate them, is atrocious, as PM Shinzo Abe apologizes for the rampant sex slavery induced (after getting flack for denying its existence), yet will not recognize a necessity to act further. this article discusses the issue a bit more clearly.

ugh. politicians are sleazy and doublespeaky everywhere. he's acknowledging spilling the milk but refusing to wipe away the puddle.

the act passed holds japan to no promises of reparations, and abe's apology smacks of media motivation and insincerity, as he just lost upper house control, and is less than popular with japan's citizens (see here.)

let's get this out there!

i was having a less than awesome day when i stumbled across this article at in these times discussing No!, a documentary on rape in the african-american community. i definitely missed the boat, and haven't seen it. has anyone else? it was apparently screened in detroit last week at the allied media conference. i'm really excited about it, and i'd love to order it and set up a small screening in this area? anyone interested, or know where i could get a copy? i know you can order it here. but i'm wondering if any friends know of copies at either eastern michigan university or university of michigan? i'll update if/when i get find or order it.