swamped with work and life... aka the return from boston

this is just a super-quick post to let y'all know i haven't forgotten... i'll be updating SOON SOON SOON on wam! and the super-awesomeness therein.


what a great time! met some cool people and basked in some fantastic discourse.


i'm uber-eager to give you my take on things, as well as recount strange tales from the cambridge marriott, lol. work has me playing mega-catchup, however, and that has to take precedence a ce moment.


anyway, just wanted to give a brief shout out and promise of women, action and the media goodness! cheers!

apology and a tentative promise...

i've been dealing with that interesting little quirk called life lately.


alas, i've severely neglected my blog.


it seems like every day i sign onto the internet and see my blogger homepage, i sigh and think 'later, later....'


well, now it's MUCH later, and as i straighten out as much of the fiasco that's my world maintenant, i figured this is as good as any other place to start.


so i'm going to make a serious effort to post more frequently in the upcoming days, even as my life spitfires me forward.


toward what? it's anyone's guess...

anxiety rears its ugly head again...

i don't know why i cycle this way, but it seems that every time i start to pay more attention to my blog, and keep up with everything i inevitably freak out and can't post for about a week or so. and i know i missed a lot last week.


i didn't get to participate in the protest against judge deni for her horrid 'theft of services' ruling and her reelection (which she freaking WON), four of the jena six went into court for pre-trial, complete with nationwide protests, my company got bought by some large corporate giant which means i could lose my job, ENDA's transphobic version passed in the house, my roommate tried to fight some guy for groping me in the bar, and i went on a pretty cool date.



i also have had multiple panic attacks lately due to my doctor changing my meds yet again, and it's taken me about 4 days just to type this tiny bit of info. and now i'm stopping, because i can't handle typing any more. i'm so mad at myself, and i'm sorry for being so negative about life. keeping up with a blog shouldn't feel like work, but for some reason lately it does. hopefully my meds will even out and this will become a passion again.

thank you for being a friend (?)

yesterday, i received some really crappy news. i called my old college roommate, with whom i'm supposed to be moving to chicago at the end of august, just to check in and see how she was doing. we hadn't talked since we each arrived home - she in ohio, me in michigan. anyway, i call her up, and she, in a very roundabout and mealymouthed way, proceeds to tell me that she's now not moving with me. after i've been searching for two bedroom apartments, looking at neighborhoods, networking for jobs, etc... not to mention taking time off work and spending a decent amount of money taking the trip out there. needless to say, i was a little upset. to add to this, i felt this disgusting sense of deja vu dread.



about a year and a half ago, my best friend and i decided we were moving to new york. we made two separate trips out there, met another roommate, hunted for apartments, and i ended up spending a TON of money (because i, of course, paid for his flights out there as well as my own) only to have him back out at the last minute. well, my stubborn ass wasn't having that. i went anyway, found a roommate, and moved. it was a disaster. my new roommate was crazy, the boss i ended up working for was crazier, and i wound up miserable. i moved back to michigan two months later.

i really don't want this to happen again.

i'm beyond tired of flaky friends and indecisiveness. i feel like i continually put myself out there, only to be disappointed repeatedly. and not just in situations like this. i can't help wondering if i'm seeking out these kind of wishy-washy folk, or if it's simply luck of the draw, perhaps age, fear, etc...? it's too damn irritating. when i make a decision, i tend to stubbornly stick with it. not that my bold tenacity is all positive either, but when i know someone is counting on me, i do my best to make things happen. this move is no small step for me, but i'm willing to do it. and i really believed that my friend was ready as well. i'm insulted, and mad at myself for trusting someone yet again. i don't want to be jaded, but i definitely feel myself veering in that direction. it's hard to be upbeat and positive when you're punch drunk from yet another blow.

thank gods i have other really great friends who are willing to go the extra mile and be supportive. nearly every single one of the people i contacted when i was upset either came running to join me, or called/texted me within a day. i really appreciate it, more than i can say. i'm not close with my family, so friends are who i have. thanks again to everyone.

cue the golden girls theme...