thank you for being a friend (?)

yesterday, i received some really crappy news. i called my old college roommate, with whom i'm supposed to be moving to chicago at the end of august, just to check in and see how she was doing. we hadn't talked since we each arrived home - she in ohio, me in michigan. anyway, i call her up, and she, in a very roundabout and mealymouthed way, proceeds to tell me that she's now not moving with me. after i've been searching for two bedroom apartments, looking at neighborhoods, networking for jobs, etc... not to mention taking time off work and spending a decent amount of money taking the trip out there. needless to say, i was a little upset. to add to this, i felt this disgusting sense of deja vu dread.



about a year and a half ago, my best friend and i decided we were moving to new york. we made two separate trips out there, met another roommate, hunted for apartments, and i ended up spending a TON of money (because i, of course, paid for his flights out there as well as my own) only to have him back out at the last minute. well, my stubborn ass wasn't having that. i went anyway, found a roommate, and moved. it was a disaster. my new roommate was crazy, the boss i ended up working for was crazier, and i wound up miserable. i moved back to michigan two months later.

i really don't want this to happen again.

i'm beyond tired of flaky friends and indecisiveness. i feel like i continually put myself out there, only to be disappointed repeatedly. and not just in situations like this. i can't help wondering if i'm seeking out these kind of wishy-washy folk, or if it's simply luck of the draw, perhaps age, fear, etc...? it's too damn irritating. when i make a decision, i tend to stubbornly stick with it. not that my bold tenacity is all positive either, but when i know someone is counting on me, i do my best to make things happen. this move is no small step for me, but i'm willing to do it. and i really believed that my friend was ready as well. i'm insulted, and mad at myself for trusting someone yet again. i don't want to be jaded, but i definitely feel myself veering in that direction. it's hard to be upbeat and positive when you're punch drunk from yet another blow.

thank gods i have other really great friends who are willing to go the extra mile and be supportive. nearly every single one of the people i contacted when i was upset either came running to join me, or called/texted me within a day. i really appreciate it, more than i can say. i'm not close with my family, so friends are who i have. thanks again to everyone.

cue the golden girls theme...